Finding your values

In #NLP there is one of the best activities I have found for eliciting your values around any area of life.

Personally I have done this multiple times around relationships and for work…. And as I write this, I can feel I am due to revisit my values for health and fitness (feel, as in, my gut is on my belt right now).

If you want to find out your values for work, fitness, relationships or any other are of life, try the following script and do some writing.

NLP Values Elicitation Script
Write down Your answers to:

“What’s important to me in the context of___________?”
Remember what motivates you:

“Remember a specific incident when you were totally motivated in the context of______ ? Go back to that time in your mind, step into your body, see what you saw at the time, hear what you heard and feel the feelings of being totally motivated (in what ever context you chose). Then, rewind what you saw like a movie just a bit and take notice of the feeling or emotion that was present just prior to the feeling of being totally motivated?”

“So is ____________________________ important to you in the context of ___________?” (if yes add to values, No repeat 2-3 times)

What will break your values:

“Look at the Liston have written, and if all these values were present, is there anything that would have to happen that  would cause you to leave? Or stop?”

“So is ____________________________ important to you in the context of ___________?” (May be a Not statement)

“Now if all these values were present and _______ occurred, is there anything else that would have to happen that would cause you to stay (or continue)?” (repeat 2-3 times)

Numbering your values:

“Number the values according to their true value to you ? Not how you wish they were, but how they really have been up until now. So in light of the results you’re getting in your life right now what’s the most important? Which is next?”

Define your direction of focus:

“Why is X value important to you? Why else? Why else?”

Next step:

“Go inside and pay attention to the pictures, sound, feelings, tastes, smells and self-talk when you think why that value of __________ is important to you in the context of _______ and ask your self, what percentage of your motivation/focus is towards what you want, and what percentage is away from what you don’t want?”

Towards and Away Conflicts: “Are there any of these values which are in conflict with one another?”

If you have gotten to this point, you have created a list of your values, ranked them and should have a good idea if they are being met, or broken.

The next question is, does something need to change?

Rock and Roll


PS. What’s the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

Featured post

Personal Retrospective

Marcus Aurelius – Roman Emperor (161 – 180 CE)

“If anyone can refute me, show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective – I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I ‘m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.”

“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.”

Epictetus – Philosopher (50 – 135 AD)

“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, they were ignorant of my other faults, else he would have not mentioned these alone.”

Marcus and Epictetus were both practitioners of a school of philosophy called Stoicism. Stoics were masters of daily retrospectives, where they would critically evaluate how well they showed up each day.

To complete an evening retrospective, the Stoics would ask questions similar to these:

How did I stray away from serenity

How was I unfriendly, uncaring and unsocial to others

What did I fail in

What bad habits did I curb

How am I better today, than I was yesterday

We’re my actions just

What can I do to improve

This type of detailed, challenging self reflection helps to keep them accountable to their goals. Remain focused on improving. Identify lessons from the day and gives the author new ways of working the following day.

In a recent article for ‘The Shaker‘, I take this idea of the personal retrospective and show how it applies in the world of business specifically, how we can use these old ways of thinking in today’s new ways of working.

Rock and Roll


PS. What’s the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

The Day Adulting Started

Do you remember what it was like when you first entered the workforce? I don’t mean your first job, the one for a family member or friend. Not the one where you knew nothing about anything and had to learn everything for the first time.

I’m talking about your first job that triggered responsibility. The one where you, looking back now, you had to start ‘ADULTING‘.

This first ‘real job’ is probably going to be the same sort of thing you will do for years to come, maybe not for the same company, but the same context.

Try to remember, if you can, sitting in the interview for this new job. You hoped it would be the job that would launch your career, where you were going to apply everything you had learnt, you were excited and / or nervous.

I remember my first interview, it was over 12 years ago. I sat Accross from Jo.

My palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy (but no spaghetti on my sweater), I was nervous (for what felt like the first time) because ‘this one’ mattered.

I sat up straight, I was ready to listen to Jo’s questions, answered them based of the nil experience I actually had and simply did my best to hold my own. I hoped my retail and hospital stories would demonstrate the qualities I was sure she needed to see in me. I had done my research, so I could show I understood the business and it’s products and I even had some questions of my own to ask.

Then, as we started to talk, it turned out she knew a woman I use to work for in hospitality and we talked about that for most of the interview.

This conversation plus the fact I was recommend by a friend that already worked there was the reason I got a call back, letting me know I got the job.

So what, what’s the point?

Ten years on I can confidently say, every single job I have moved to has come from my network. From people I trained with in the Army, people I trained in different roles, friends of friends and ‘workmates‘ I have had over the years.

So what, what’s the advice?

Build your network, be yourself, have fun, add value to others and know that ‘your network is what will get you your next work‘!

Rock and Roll


P.S. Whats the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

Anchoring Script

Anchoring State Elicitation

“Can you recall a time when you were totally (desired state), do you remember a specific time?
As you go back to that time now, go right back to that time, float down into you body and see what you saw, hear what you heard, and really feel the feelings of being totally_________!”
Resource Anchor
Stack multiple positive states in one location like totally powerful, playful, loved, fall down laughing, confident etc.
Collapse Anchors
Choose a negative state to eliminate & the powerfully positive state’s needed to replace the negative.
Elicit and anchor the positive state’s on one knuckle 5+ times & Break state
Elicit and anchor the negative state on the next knuckle one time & Break state
Fire both simultaneously until integration is complete
Release the negative anchor, while continuing to hold the positive anchor
Release the positive anchor 5 seconds later
Test: “So the next time you (encounter the trigger) what happens?”
Neural Bridge
Used for moving someone from Procrastination to Motivation, Fear to Confidence, Anger to Playfulness, Frustration to Calm or Feeling stuck with no options to being excited about all possibilities.
Bridge Design
Decide on the first and last state
Criteria for intermediate states: First intermediate state can be away from motivated, all intermediate states must have movement, what will be a sufficiently intense state to move the chain onto the next state?
Second to last state must be towards motivated, the state should be self-initiated, should NOT be how they already do it & should be a natural progression.
Steps to a Neural Bridge
Choose the undesirable state that you want to change and choose the desired end state, identify 2-3 states in between that can be utilised to successfully create movement from one state to the next.
Elicit each state and stack each anchor separately on the individual knuckles 3 times each, break state between each anchor and test each stacked anchor separately.
Chain states to each other by firing the 1st state, when the first state peaks fire the 2nd anchor simultaneously and then release the 1st .
Hold 2nd anchor. When 2nd state peaks, fire the 3rd anchor simultaneously; then release the 2nd , hold 3rd anchor, when 3rd state peaks, fire the 4th anchor simultaneously, then release the 3rd and hold onto the 4th, until the 4th peaks then release the 4th. Break state
Test by touching the 1st knuckle and firing the 1st link in the bridge. The client should chain through all the states and wind up in the desired state
Break state
Future pace: “Can you think of an indefinite time in the future where in the past you may have experienced that old state, and notice what happens for you now.”
The Ring Of Power
One of the presuppositions of NLP is that each of us has all the resources we need inside of ourselves. The ring of power or circle of excellence is a techniques that allows us to access our innate resources that we retrieve from our unconscious mind. The ring of power is a resource anchor that is useful in many circumstances.
Anchor a number of positive powerful states to an imagined circle on the floor; Imagine a ring of power in front of you as a circle about 2 feet in diameter

Now remember a time when you were totally _________ (eg motivated) and when you are totally ________ (motivated), then step into the ring.

When the state begins to subside then step out of the ring

Add additional desired states in the same way

When done adding all states, step into the ring of power and test

Step out of the ring and test

Future pace
Rock and Roll
PS. What’s the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

Looking for a mentor?

In a recent article for ‘The Shaker‘ I wrote about the idea of ‘rethinking mentoring‘.

Central to the idea is the use of books. Looking through my current audio book history, I 20 different books by 13 different authors. All of which I would consider are my mentors, the content varies from personal development, to leadership, marketing, sales training and understanding my ego.

The reason I consider these authors my mentors can be found in the definition. Mentor – ‘an experienced and trusted adviser’.

I currently don’t have direct access to Gary Vee or Seth Godin, in the absence of this I can read any of their books. In doing this I can get insight into what they think is important, how they suggest I can execute on their suggestions and in general become a better version of my self by learning from an experienced and trusted advisor.

So if you are looking for a mentor, but don’t know where to look, start with a book!

Rock and Roll


PS. What’s the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

Workmate or colleague?

There are two types of people you work with, workmates and colleagues.

A workmate is someone you:

  • have had a beer with,
  • get coffee,
  • have lunch with (by choice),
  • have shared a personal stories with, and
  • laugh with a fair bit.

It’s also probable that you share the same ideas about your job and the outcomes you are shooting for (even if you have different ways of getting them), the same things piss you off about the job and the colleagues you work with.

Now a colleague is different, for the most part they don’t share the same ideas as you, they definitely don’t have the same humor. They are the people that you will work with if you have to, you will get on and play nice. But you definitely don’t joke with them, it’s 100% professional.

So I ask you, what do you want?

Do you want to spend 40 hours a week with colleagues or workmates?

Rock and Roll


P.S. What’s the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

Thanks a lot Qantas!

Don’t you hate it when you are on a plane, seated in your seat and some person puts their arse right on you. WTF!

It happened to me a couple of days ago and all I can think to my self is, pay attention to what is going around you.

I want my flight without arse in my face, arse face. 

Of course, being obsessed with PD, it makes me think about awareness and how so many people are completely unaware of their environment, what’s happening around them and what impact they have on others. 

Part of me just wants to yell in their face and tell them to get stuffed. Then, there is  another part of me that wonders, why do they have no idea? What is their perspective?

The long way the way to do this is through a technique called perceptual positions, which is about seeing things from three perspectives. Yours, theirs and an observers. 

The short way is to separate you from the equation and to pretend you are them? 

Simply put, imagine stepping into their shoes and:

  • see what they see, 
  • hear what they hear, and 
  • feel what they feel. 

What were they doing right in the moment that they messed with you?
Answer that then you will truly be on the path to understanding others perspectives. 

But let’s say someone reading this calls “bullshit”.
Let’s think about why I ended up with arse in my face? 

The passenger was making room for the people sitting next to him, he was focusing on removing his jacket while making polite conversation. He had no idea he was placing his butt on me. Do I still think, get stuffed? A little bit, but when I get over my BS I can see it was just a mistake. 

What have you been unaware of recently? Have you jumped to any conclusions?

Rock and Roll 


P.S. Whats the one thing you don’t do, that would cause the most positive change in your life?

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